I woke up at the crack of dawn, lumbering into the shower, all the while puzzled with sleepiness and pure exhaustion, ignoring the pending activities for the day. There are some markers in life that alone do not seem to be a big deal, today's proved to be a big one for me.
My baby girl has started first grade. She bounded out of her bed, chanting "first grade, first grade, yeah, yeah, yeah", completely wound up and ready for action. She completely pissed me off with her aloof behavior this morning but even through my frustration, something was gnawing at me. Dressed, teeth and hair brushed, breakfast eaten, and by 6:30 as I was walking out the door with my little ones, I looked over my shoulder to get the last glimpses of my baby.
I know I am being overly misty about the whole situation, but I have invested 6 years and nine months into this relationship, nurturing her little body and mind, expecting to always see the big cheeked darling smiling back at me. But instead there is a whole other person standing in front of me. Staring back with her big, brown doe eyes, questioning everything, already putting the wedge between me and my baby. UGGGGGHHHH!
The truth is she is not always smiling at me, in fact more often than not, she is thoroughly pissed with me. And well, I do deserve the snarky looks sometimes, not ALL the time, but some of the time. I go back to the core of it all. The core being, she is always loved, she is always cared for, she is offered a listening ear, she is disciplined when warranted and through all of the toil, in the end, she will be a better person and hopefully someday say thank you and really mean what she says.
I can't wait to hear about her day and find out how "cool" everything is, what friends are in her classroom, and all the homework I will need to find a tutor for myself in order to help her.
Does this anxiousness ever go away?