How doth my garten grow? Very fast.

I have been thinking about this subject since April 25, 2003, the thought has intensified on October 28, 2005, I don't believe I will ever be the same.

Dialing the phone: ringing
"Linden Elementary, how may I help you?"
Hi, my name is Kymn and I have a daughter who will be attending your school, and well I am a, well a new mom, I have no idea how to register my daughter.
"::giggle:: Well that is not a problem, I can help you with that. Let me tell you what you will need to bring for open registration in the Spring."
Thank you very much!

Kindergarten as defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionary is a school or class for children usually from four to six years olds.
Entomology: German, from Kinder children + Garten garden Date:1852

What happened? She was a dark haired, cooing bundle of person right from the get go and she is now a intelligent, beautiful, auburn hair, brown eyed dynamo ready for, dare I say, Kindergarten. I look at her and wonder how I ever grew this person inside my body and I believe I finally did something worthwhile in my life. I don't have a glamorous job, I am not monetarily endowed, but I have a wonderful daughter ready for Kindergarten. To some this may not be a big deal but for me, tis a very big deal.

My children are growing the normal pace children do, but for me the time has zipped by in a flash. I know many parents will shake their heads in agreement, remembering the first time they noticed their child performed some duty, task, or said something completely out of the blue which hints at the grown up person inside waiting. Ethan is now choosing which Mayer songs he wants to listen to, Abbie is my little responsible one, cleaning up after everyone, and Emma is my big grown up sister and kindergarten student. By the way she wears the badge of Big Sister with honor and pride.

A part of me wants to tuck them all under my arm and snuggle them to my chest just to get the whiff of the baby that is quickly leaving them. There is another part of me looking forward to spending evenings helping with homework, going to activities, hearing the oohs and ahhs of a first time discovery, listening around the corner to the kids complain about how I ALWAYS know what they are doing and wondering if I have magical powers. I do by the way. There is so much to share with them, I know it is going to be great, painful, and rewarding.

So for those mums and dads who have not hit this mark yet, remember to have a certified copy of the birth certificate, current shot records, a utility bill and mortgage to verify the residence address and how long you have lived in said residence and call the school early.

Thinking is a little dangerous

It is certainly strange how I view myself in my mind. I have been living in this body for 38 years, the first seven don't really count because at least for me it wasn't until that time I became aware of form as an image to the rest of the world. And even then this thought was very minimal because really what did I have to worry about?

Now as an adult, there is so much baggage attached to everything I do, see, think, feel, so much so it often hinders my perception of the way somewhere in the back of my mind how life should be. I am envious of those who appear to me to be simply happy. To me that is true wealth, being happy. Not drug induced, ignoring the realities of living happy, just happy, the confidence in knowing who their true self is, and knowing what it is they want to do, even if it for one day.

I guess what I am saying friends, is that I am not in that place with my physical and mental being. I know there is only one person who can spur on the self improvement (which is me) but as I mentally see all the heads nodding, I also know I am not alone in the quest. It is hard, treacherous, and sometimes cruel to get through the muck. What I think it comes down to is that I am scared, to move forward, sideways, or any other way at this moment. Where was I going with this?

I ran into a, well I guess you could call him a friend, from my childhood. I have not seen him in about twenty years, we lived down the street from each other, went to middle school and high school together, a friendly relationship. He was a good guy then and when he came into the office yesterday I would say he is a good guy now. This is where I think I get back to my original point. For those who did not know my in my past life, I was reasonably curvy, never thin, athletically active, anyway that is how my person was when he last saw me. Athletically shaped or reasonably curvy is not how you would describe me now. ::eyes looking up to find the mental image, yeah, not so much:: I know everyone changes, but there is always that little tiny panic, wondering if I will be judged. Anyway, the meeting again was very positive. No matter what ever his initial thought was, he never showed it, and welcomed my presence with gusto and pleasure to see me again. It was like the twenty years had not passed, we briefly caught up on families, talked about the reunion, and told me he wished I was there. He looked me in the eye, never wavered in his conversation with me. This is why I say he still a good guy. He left me with the impression I was the same girl in some respects that I was 20 years ago.

The moral of the story, I still have a lot of growing up to do, and I have some choices/decisions to make in order to find more of that ever so elusive happiness I seek to add to the happiness I do have. Thanks for listening to the ramblings, I do appreciate your kindness and friendship.