Friday, October 26, 2007
I am excited. I love the family events, I am excited that my brother is coming down, I am excited that all my friends children will be coming over to play, I am excited about decorating the house, no so much cleaning it but decorating is great, I am excited about the food.
My babies are turning two and I remember when they were little blips on the screen, two satellites in the dark space of my body, the miracle of having their own rooms to grow. The joy, the fear, the anticipation of holding them in my arms, all those feelings are still swimming in my head and heart.
Tonight my dear husband and I are picking up the last pieces to the celebration puzzle. Bri, did I tell you thank you so much for my three babies? Thank you for my babies. It is the mad dash for the final touches to the party.
Now tomorrow will be whole different story, I will have pictures.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
I never get tired of hearing my name in fact I crave those little voices in my ears. At certain moments I wonder how the heck I got through all the feedings, diaper changes, those points in the middle of the night I am checking the breath coming from their noses. I always seem to check in between breathes so the little panic creeps up my spine to have the tidal wave of assurance when I have bugged them enough to make them move in their sleep. They have no idea how many times I creep into their room to just look, maybe move to the bedside and straighten a cover or just to touch their precious little hands. On a side note, Ethan snores.
So two years has passed and my littlest ones will be having a birthday in 4 days. The last three weeks has been filled with "Happy Birthday" songs, traditional and made up ones, for all the car rides to and from school, in the bath tub, a lot of "Grandma birthday, Nick birthday, Abbie birthday, Ethan birthday" to which I reply "Yes it is everyone's birthday, how old are you?"
This in itself makes me chuckle because a dear friend experienced the same conversations with her daughter and used similar hand demonstrations to show how many two really is. Yes, my kids think I am playing bunny rabbits with them. They collectively shake their heads and say "yeah" and move on to other things. In the end, I am just happy they can sing the "boo-day" song and silently pray they will let me put them into costumes on Saturday.
Happy Boo-day Abbie!
Happy Boo-day Ethan!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
There is one truth in this life and that is life is never fair. Occasionally there is even a slap in the face to add to the initial sting. For me, my main liability is that I wear my feelings on my sleeve which is neither great for your professional nor private life. Another limitation is that I believe a piece of me is in the job I do. So when I am rejected for any reason the person has reached right inside one long slow painful stab to my actual self. Those are hard to recover from that kind of brutality.
The spouted comforting mantra is “its business, not personal”. Does anyone really believe that? What kind of garbage is that? How can that mentality be allowed? How is dealing with people on a personal or professional level not personal in some way? I never understood that, I think I never will. Man, whoever believes that is much stronger than me. I am not sure I am ever capable of shutting off those feelings.
Everything I have been told in school does not fit the mold I am in. Did I miss a chapter on getting knocked down? Wow, I am beginning to think all of it is a fairytale and there is not an organization out there which subscribes to treating an employee with positive reinforcement, accepting human error, incentives, acknowledging value to the person’s efforts or am I just to mediocre to find those places?
I need a new profession, I think this one will kill my spirit and I don’t have much left.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
The last four months I have been working my rump off, figuratively, only wishing literally. I got a spare tire for lease too. I think I have earned it, but we all know earning is not always the way the game is played. So for now, I am in limbo hoping to make good. Think good thoughts for me.
TTFN (Ta Ta For Now)
Monday, October 1, 2007
Happy Birthday to you!
May your dreams stay bright and true,
All our love to you.
I love you Mom for all that you are.
You are never far,
for a hug or kiss,
never a dream did your kids miss.
Your eyes twinkle, your smile shines.
Never shy with a look or wink of an eye,
to tell me I have done well.
I love you Mom for all your strength.