Surly

If anyone is looking for a fight today, then throw your fricking chips in the ring, take your chances and bring it on! I guarantee the only person who will lose will not be me. 

I'm done.  I'm done with accommodations, I am done with trying to help, I am done with trying to meet others expectations of what they think I should be doing.  I am done.  I take a lot garbage from people, more often than not my feelings get hurt and they have no idea.  Nor do they asked.  I do a lot for people when I can, I will rearrange my plans, I don't ask for hardly anything in return.  In fact I feel bad if I have to ask for a favor. I am done.

I don't feel happy today.  I don't feel lucky today.  I am tired of being rolled over for another and better gig.  I am done with others feeling comfortable I am going to be alright when they throw a monkey wrench in where they directly affect my life.  I am done. 

I am finished with being taken advantaged, I will no longer be so available, forgiving, or pliable for other people's lives.

Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.
~ William S. Burroughs

Happy Happy Happy Happy

How many "happy"s can I fit into one line? Not enough because I just that damn HAPPY! I am 'bout ready to do the Ren and Stimpy dance.  Man oh man I didn't know it could be just this good.  When I come out of this cloud I will explain but for now know that I am HAPPY!

Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.
~ William S. Burroughs

Swing it boys!

Close your eyes, clear your mind and feel.  When was the last time you actually allowed yourself to feel? Anything.  Feeling is risky, feeling is scary, feeling is human.  Why is that in this current day and age do we do so much to remove the feeling from our lives?  Anger is feeling, sadness is feeling, uncertainty is feeling, love is feeling, lust is feeling, why when these aspects of what makes the world go round do we shut these feelings down?  Ok, so yes there is a bit of hard science mixed in with why the world goes round, damn Galileo, Kepler and all the other hooligans whom have rocked the collective consciousness.  I suppose now you're going to tell me there were dinosaurs?!

The reason I bring this up is that I sitting at the computer doing a number of mindless tasks and have some music floating out of my speakers.  There was a brief moment, oh so brief where I was lost in the feeling of the music.  The music, the voice, everything just permeated through my body.  It took my breath away. 

When I came out of the state, I thought to myself, damn that was cool.  I want more of that please! 

I think I understand why feeling is reserved.  You are vulnerable. Vulnerability allows the unexpected to enter your life.  Instinctively we want to protect ourselves.  So the project for today is to feel.  Allow yourself to feel even if it is a moment.  Go on, you can do it.  Let me know what your experience was like.
Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.
~ William S. Burroughs

Two Suns in the Sunset

There have been great leaders in our time, we have carved mountains for them, printed their faces on valuable items, made national holidays for their efforts, I fully plan this weekend to honor those people. 

Yup, I will be knee deep in celebration, along with a marathon of Episode IV, Episode V, Episode VI.  Yeah, you got it, AT ATs, Jawas, Sand People, X-Wings, and Death Stars.  I know y'all are jealous, this will be their first venture into the my era of the Force.  We will be travelling to Tatooine and beyond.  Armed with imagination, popcorn, and blankets for huddling on the couch.

I can't fathom a more pleasant way to travel! I have three of the best co-pilots EVER!  Let the training begin!

Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.
~ William S. Burroughs

May the Force be with you.......

There are Gleeks (I am one), there are Nerds (I am un-stylish but do not possess the exceptional brain power), Geeks (I possess the enthusiasm but not all of the expertise) but I am definitely a junkie, A JUNKIE OF ALL THINGS STAR WARS! 

Hello, My name is Whimsy and I am a Star Wars Junkie.  I have done the crime so I must do the time.  I have been a junkie since, well, since I can remember.  No, there never has been a relapse because I never wanted treatment.  I have stayed off the wagon since the release of Episode IV: A New Hope in 1977. Yeah, go ahead say it.  I AM THAT OLD! 

Here it is 35 years later and there I am, standing next to my blue eyed boy in the picture below.  Whom has lovingly, compassionately removed my arms and head with his light saber just a few hours before in the living room.  He said he was sorry. His exact words were "Mommy, that is just the way of the Sith but I still love you".  Roger, Roger. 

These are members of the 501st Legion attending a home game of the local hockey team.  There are three garrisons in the state of California, central, northern, and southern.  The arena was filled with Storm Troopers, Darth Vader, Chewbacca, Boba Fett, Imperial Guards and the pig guy from Jabba's palace.  All the kids, especially the boy and I, were wide eyed, giggling and awe struck.  While taking a food run, the girls stayed in the seats with Grandma while the boy and I roamed the hallways to find THEM!  The Force was strong with this one and spying the cloned troopers it was apparent food was not on our minds.  Yes, you can't see it in the picture rest assure that I am "feeling" the Force, it was VERY nice.  I do love a man in uniform!

Whilst the hallways were being patrolled the boy and I reluctantly headed back to our seats to enjoy the rest of the game, pizza slices in hand ready for some slammage (made up word) against the boards!  Oh how I love the thunder of the glass being rattle by helmets, arms, sticks and faces.  The game was great, the crowd was great and my kids were fantastic to be with and share my love of Star Wars.  As much as I love my kid's names, the boy and his twin sister were almost named Luke and Leia.  I was outvoted. 

Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.
~ William S. Burroughs

The Anti - Anti Valentine's Girl

Valentine's Day. Pfffftttttt.  WHATEVER!

This time of year rolls around and I begin to cringe.  The pink rolls into the picture, the reds are brighter than usual, the pressure from the various retailers has begun.  It is all too much for a girl like me to handle. 

I have better luck on Friday the 13th.  Really, you laugh but it is true.  Truly turns into the best day of the week for me.  It is the other 6 days I have to worry about. 

What drives me crazy about these little celebrations through out the year are the emphasis of "today you are special".  Shouldn't we be special everyday?  And the intensified handholding, cuddling, blah, blah, blah in public.  (My friend usually leaves the "L" out of that word LOL) The I <3 U's, go here to get this, someone gets a card, JUST GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY!

Here's the rub, no matter how goofy I think the holiday is, I secretly wish I had a sweetheart to share it with.  I wouldn't mind a little extra hand holding, a little extra cuddling, blah, blah, blah in public.

Oh, and I wasn't joking about the Friday the 13th, that really does happen every single time.  

Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.
~ William S. Burroughs

Where Have You Gone Joe DiMaggio?

Well I am not sure where Joe went but I am certainly aware of where I went, off the face of this planet.  It has been a busy, busy time lately. 

Short recap (with pictures to follow at some point)

The summer ended with the kids finishing up their last bit of summer camp getting ready for school in the fall.  I had a great time last summer because on Fridays I only worked a half day so I went down to the community pool with the kids and swam with them every week.  That is the great thing about living in a small community, I had no fears of hanging out at a public pool, that and the fact I lost over 100 pounds.  I felt a bit more comfortable being around "strangers" in a swim suit.  Anyway the kids honed their swimming skills and bombed off to the big kid pool!  They are officially swimmers.  Wahooooo!

Fall came and so did a new year with the little kids starting first grade and Kat starting third grade.  Wow, where did the time go.  My kids are becoming full fledged humans.  Homework is harder, reading is bountiful, AND they have started some elementary algebraic mathematics.  No rest for the wicked parent and I definitely had to get a book to help refresh my old dusty memory how how to work a word problem. 

The start of fall also means the beginning of the soccer season.  My little Whimsys were in full regalia this season.  The boy, a dynamo one boy show.  He can throw the ball in to himself, retrieve the ball, press down the pitch and score.  He has found his calling athletically.  Bitsy has toughened up as well, she actually with assistance from her brother scored 4 goals this season.  This is a long way from last year sitting in the middle of the field picking flowers.  I think she has found her confidence.  The Kat played on her first all girl power soccer team this year as well.  She is getting stronger by the minute and had a good season working the mid and back field of the pitch.  Kat had a wonderful season.

Halloween approached and with that my little kids turned six.  Six! It is amazing to me that just six short years ago those little buggers were housed in my body sucking every bit of food I could eat.  I find pictures of them and can't believe how much they have grown.  Kat was beautiful witch, the Big Easy was Captain America, and Bits was Jasmine.  As the month came to a close so did the soccer season.

November brought trinkets of corn, pilgrims, and chilly days.  Smack dab on November 1st the kids are already pulling out the Christmas tree and the hunt is on.  We had to get a new tree due to the fact there was a break in from a pack of hooligan field mice into the storage box.  Chewed branches, chewed light cords was a calling card for a fire disaster so I had to make other arrangements.  Although, now that I think about it ..... hottie fire fighters, in my house, the whole save the distressed woman scenario....hmmmm. 

So once the new tree was in place and the ornaments adorning the branches it was time to sit back and bask in the colored glow of lights.  That is until a 3 pound orange ball of lightening fast fur decided he needed to learn how to climb.  Driven by ancestral genetics for stalking prey from the high vantage point of a tree sat our little orange love.  Eyes a blaze, twitching tail, and a circle of ornaments lying on the floor instead of the branches they originally were sat upon.  Sadly I must report there were a few casualties.  I guess this being his first Christmas and all the sights and smells overwhelmed him. 

The tree looked sad, this little bugger has successfully bent, yes I said BENT, every branch on the lower quadrant of the tree.  He had a growth spurt and went from 3 pounds to about 8 pounds. I have never seen a tree shimmy and shake as much as ours did. The kids were in full swing of holiday tunes, belting out carols of all sorts in the house, in the car, EVERYWHERE!  I successfully added the Big Man in Red to my phone (speed dial of course), NORAD Santa tracker app, NORAD Santa tracker site saved on the desktop, wish lists in hand the kids felt I was fully prepared to negotiate with the Big Man. 

So when the Big Guy showed up at the local firehouse (remember I said hotties work there) the kids had a game plan.  This time they made a decorated gingerbread man and bum rushed his lap with token gift in hand.  The plan seem to work, for little did they know their wishes were materializing.  So now we are well into December, I finally get some time off after the semester finished at work.  Ahhhhh, time to breathe, nope not gonna happen.  NORAD Santa tracker was turned into a 30 minute lesson in time zones, maps, continents, and how to add the hours on and off.

If y'all could have seen me in action, I actually surprised myself.  All three understood and the countdown could commence.  Big Red was still in circling the small islands in the Southern Hemisphere and the kids knew they only had a few hours before they must slumber. 

The new year is upon us and we are all hoping for a brighter year.  Things have been tough for us the past two years, and hopefully we can finally settle into a nice groove of stability for awhile.  The Kat was recruited for a winter soccer league, she is one of two girls whom have received a invitation to participate.  The rest of the team are boys.  Amidst the chaotic training schedule all three of my brood are now moving into the Martial Arts world.  I have held off as long as I could but now I think they are ready for that kind of responsibility.  It is nice to have all three of them in the same class, it is nice to see the smiles and attentiveness the kids have while in class, it is nice to see the kids active for a full 60 minutes.  Sensei wears them OUT!  Listen, any activity that a kid can participate in while also learning a life lesson for respect, honesty, hard work, while building a self confidence I am all in. 

Ok here is the soap box portion of the show, I played sports all my childhood and part of my adult life.  There is good with the bad, however the good that came from my adventure in sports was this.  I learned to lead from within, I learned I am capable of many spectacular things, I learned to work with others, I learned it is ok to have fun while working hard, I learned that you can't take things for granted, I learned there is a camaraderie amidst teammates, I learned you can build trust and friendships.  I want my kids to be able to share in that exhilaration of competition, I want my kids to share in that happiness.  If it gets them a scholarship into college then that is an added benefit but I am not blinded to a singular future for them.  As long as they love to play, they will play.  If they want to change and experience something new, I am all for it.  The benefits of any activity is what the parent and the child put into that activity. Thus endth my speech.

So here we are in the middle of January and it feels great to write again.  Did I say this was a short recap?  I guess the faucet finally became unclogged. 

Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer. ~ William S. Burroughs